“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”
“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”
“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”
“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”
“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…….not yelled.”
“Meanness don’t just happen overnight.”
“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”
“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”
“It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.”
“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”
“Every path has a few puddles.”
“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”
“The …

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,  to be confronted by
a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good  morning” said the young man.
If I could take a couple minutes of your
time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
cleaners…”Go away!” said the old lady.  “I’m broke and haven’t got any
money!” and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man
wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open…
“Don’t be too hasty!”
he said. “Not until you have …

I’m 63.  Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I’ve worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven’t called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn’t inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there’s no retirement in sight, and I’m tired. Very tired.
I’m tired of being …

How your current life is broken down and explained by charts, and graphs.

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared
offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with
patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME
HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look
at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an …