When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women using free makeup from macy’s, (Not really - nobody really gets free consmetics) so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.  (No cosmetics or makeup is free)
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long …

To: (professor/teacher/instructor)________________________
From:_____________________
I think my grade in your course,_________________, should be changed from___to___for the following reasons:

____The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
____The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
____This course will lower my GPA and I won’t get into:
__Med School __Dental School __Chiropractic School
__Acupuncture school __Grad School __Mickey Mouse Club

____I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ___________.
____I’ll lose my scholarship.
____I’m on a varsity sports team and my coach couldn’t find a copy …

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.  

I just couldn’t help but sending this along. Too funny.  
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
      No, really? Ya think?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       Now that’s taking things a bit far!
  ———————————————————–
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       What …

 _Man Rules_: At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
 
 /Finally/ , the guys’ side of the story.
 ( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
 We always hear ” the rules” from the female side.
 
 Now here are the rules from the male side.
 
 These are our rules!
 Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!
 
 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
 
 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
 You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
 We need it up, you need it down.
 You don’t hear us complaining about you …

PREGNANCY Q & A & more..
 
 

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
 
Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
 
 
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.
 
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question? 
 
Q : My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but …

Well, there’s..
The SBD (silent but deadly)
Milky
Eggy
The Reverb (echoes like the Grand Canyon)
The Belcher (Deep and long–like it’s trying to say the alphabet)
The Chunker (fart usually accompanied by a pebble or two)
Minty aka the Mentholator (come on, you’ve all had those)
The Trumpet (high pitched and vibrating)
The Flappy (real loose sounding)
The Stalker (seems to follow you wherever you go)
Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.
Eggy …

Ghost Poop = You know you’ve pooped. There’s poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Poop = Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Poop = This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain …

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it.
We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do …